Poker Night
by Rakumari
Summary: the cast of FFVII is kickin back for a game of poker Plz RR plz be nice my first Fanfic, sniff the stories over just read the ending sniffle
1. The Invitation

DISCLAIMER  
  
I do not own any of Squaresoft characters or games  
Poker Night  
Prologue  
  
Cloud decides one day to host a poker night for all his friends and so he calls each of them. Dear Friends, I invite you all to a poker night to swap stories, get drunk, and play poker. I hope you all will attend  
  
Cloud  
  
Cloud sends out all of the notes, and hopes that everyone will come  
  
Tifa: Sounds like fun a good chance to hook up with Cloud (Evil Laugh)  
  
************************************************************ ********  
  
Barret: Poker? Haven't played that since I was... wait I've never played it. Ah who cares? I'll go anyway.  
  
*********************************************************************  
  
Red XIII: Doesn't poker require hands? (thinks for a moment) It is a chance to see all my old friends again. So I shall attend.  
  
*********************************************************************  
  
Aeris: Yay Cloud invited me. Watch out Tifa, Aeris is commin' to town. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!  
Cid: Cool, spikey- ass is throwin a poker game. Hey Shera wanna come? Shera: Sure.(what will I wear)  
Vincent: A poker game? What the hell is poker? (sigh) I'll go anyway.  
Sephiroth: Hey Zack we're goin to a poker game! Zack: Really? Who invited us? Sephiroth: Cloud Zack: Cool haven't seen him since I died Sephiroth: And Aeris will be there... Oh what will I wear?! Zack: The only pair of clothes that you own you idiot. Sephiroth: Hey Zack don't mess with me I got a masamune and Cloud took yours so watch it! Zack: Tch, Fine  
  
*********************************************************************  
  
Rufus: Cloud wants to go to a poker game Scarlet: Haven't played poker since I was 42 Rufus: How old are you now? Scarlet: That's really none of your business Rufus: Tell me right now I'm your president (Scarlet bonks him on the head with a chair) Rufus: Owwwwwwwww sorry I asked Scarlet: KyahKyahahahahahahahahahaha, men their such idiots Rufus: Hey you Turks wanna come? Elena: You know I'm going. Rude: ...... Rufus: I'll take that as a yes. Rude: ........ Rufus: Is that all you can say? Rude: ........ Rufus: This is why I hate talking to you, anyway Reno wanna come? Reno: Will there be beer? Rufus: It says get drunk so I'm assuming there's alcohol Reno: SWEET! I'm there  
Cloud: I hope they all come ( Knock on the door) Cloud: Wonder who it is???  
  
(BAUM BAUM BAUM) How do you like it? Plz review The more mature humor will come later.. Plz R+R 


	2. Is Everybody Here?

Disclaimer I own FFVII HAHAHAH Squaresoft: Sorry but you don't Me: Crap  
  
Im soo happy got 2 reviews  
  
Poker Night CHP 2: Is everyone here?  
  
Cloud: I wonder who it is?  
  
(Cloud Opens Door)  
  
Cloud: Cid and Shera!! How'd you get here so fast?  
  
Cid: I do own the Highwind dontcha know?  
  
Cloud: Whatever, so Shera how have you been?  
  
Shera: I've been fine ever since we hooked up  
  
(Cid And Shera Start doin this bunny kiss the nosie thing)  
  
Cloud: Could you guys get a room? Christ this is worse than watching Teletubbies  
  
(Knock on door)  
  
Cloud: Thank God, I was getting sick of those two  
  
(An young ninja walks through the door)  
  
Cloud: Yuffie why the hell are you here? You weren't even invited  
  
Yuffie: Why wasn't I invited?  
  
Cloud: Because you stole my mastered Knights of The Round and then you dropped it down the toilet while you were takin' a dump  
  
Yuffie: O.O, Can I stay anyway?  
  
Cloud: Whatever..  
  
(Yuffie starts toward his safe)  
  
Cloud: Don't Even think about it  
  
Yuffie: Damn..  
  
(Cloud whispers to Cid) Cloud: Hey warch the girl, kill if you have to.  
  
Cid: K  
  
(Knock on door)  
  
Cloud: Wonder who that can be?  
  
(Barret busts down the door)  
  
Barret: Hey Cloud!  
  
(Slaps Cloud on the back with his gun arm almost gunning down Cloud's perfectly spikey hair)  
  
Cloud: Hi, Barret what a surprise (why'd I even invite him)  
  
Barret: Hope ya' don't mind brought Marlene with me.  
  
Cloud: Barret there is alcohol at this poker game dumbass!  
  
Barret: Don't worry I've always said, " Say No to Alcohol" to Marlene she won't be a problem  
  
Cloud: Whatever you say..  
  
(Knock, Knock, Knock)  
  
(Cloud opens the door)  
  
Cloud: Nanaki, with his cubs with flaming tails on my recently lacered goddamn hardwood floor! Holy ****  
  
Nanaki: Don't' worry their potty trained  
  
Cloud: What does that have to do with this?  
  
Nanaki: I have no idea... (crickets chirp ) .. Anyway just put some water on them  
  
Cloud: Whatever you say..  
  
Cloud: Go on into the billard room, and watch the tails!  
  
(Knock, Knock, Knock)  
  
Cloud: Hope it's someone sane.. (Cloud opens door)  
  
Cloud: HOLY $#!&  
  
( Sephiroth and Zack jump in with bubbling bottles of champagne, spraying it all over the place)  
  
Sephiroth and Zack: Sup Cloud!  
  
Cloud: What the ....  
  
Cloud: Just get into the billard room right NOW!!!!  
  
Sephiroth: Geez..  
  
Zack: Who pissed on his hair?  
  
Cloud: Why the hell did I decide to do this?!  
  
(Knock, knock, knock)  
  
Cloud :Please be Aeris or Tifa , please..  
  
(Cloud opens the door)  
  
Cloud: Tifa!  
  
Tifa: Hi Cloud! Happy to see you again!  
  
Cloud: Me too! (yes a sane person)  
  
(Cloud and Tifa hug very tightly, Cloud couldn't help thinking how comfy Tifa's boobs were)  
  
Cloud: Come on in----( Oh shit here comes Aeris, Aeris and Tifa together, that is never good, better go say hi)  
  
Cloud: Hi Aeris!  
  
Aeris: Hi Cloud!  
  
(Aeris skips all the their stuff and gives Cloud A BIG hug, Her boobs weren't as comfy as Tifa's , but still very nice)  
  
(Tifa walks in)  
  
Aeris: Cloud you invited that slut!  
  
Cloud: Uhhhhhh  
  
Tifa: I am not a slut! Cloud! Are you going to let her insult me like that?!  
  
Cloud: Uhuhuhaha  
  
Aeris: Hoe!  
  
Tifa: Bitch!  
  
(Tifa and Aeris start bitch-slapping each other)  
  
(Vincent walks in through the open door)  
  
Vincent: Hey Cloud, I brought the Buds! (Sees Aeris and Tifa, what's there problem?)  
  
Cloud: (Scratches himself nervously) Ok cool thanks  
  
Vincent: You Ok?  
  
Cloud: Oh yeah I'm fine.  
  
Vincent: Ok whatever you say.  
  
Cloud: Ok everyone in the dining room!  
  
(Everyone gathers in the dining room)  
  
Cloud: Ok I am goin to take roll, please say here or present if you are here.  
  
Cloud: Barret!  
  
Barret: YO!  
  
Cloud: I said say here or present, and where is Marlene?  
  
Barret: Somewhere (scratches his head)  
  
Cloud: Cid And Shera!  
  
Cid: Here  
  
Shera: Present  
  
Cloud: Aeris!  
  
Aeris: You Slut! Oh yeah Here!  
  
Cloud: Hey Aeris stop giving Tifa titty-twisters!  
  
Cloud: Tifa!  
  
Tifa: You Bitch! And Cloud I am here  
  
Cloud: I am aware of that... HEY! Stop pulling Aeris' hair!  
  
Tifa: Sorry.  
  
Cloud: Vincent!  
  
Vincent: Here..  
  
Cloud: Nanaki and his kids!  
  
Nanaki: Here and we burned up one of your rugs  
  
Cloud: Oh Fuck it  
  
Cloud: Yuffie!  
  
Yuffie: Here. (grins evily)  
  
Cloud: Did you take anything?  
  
Yuffie: Nooooooo...  
  
Cloud: Whatever you took put it back.  
  
Yuffie: Dang.  
  
Cloud: Shinra INC!  
  
(crickets chirp)  
  
Cloud: Where are they?  
  
Wait until next chapter. Heeheeeheeee  
  
(whew my fingers hurt) How do you like plz R+R 


	3. Where's The Shinra?

Disclaimer I will own FFVII In 97 years Man In Suit: Where's your lawsuit? Me: Uh? Man In suit: Well?! Me: Well screw you this Is MY fic and I can kill you if I want to! Man In suit: Ok sorry.. But rules are rules Me: You lucky %^&$  
  
Poker Night Chp 3 Where's The Shinra?  
  
Enjoy!  
  
Cloud: Where's the Shinra?  
  
Cid: The hell should I know?!  
  
Cloud: Why did I even ask.  
  
Cloud: I feel as if someone is missing.  
  
Barret: Duh the Shinra are missin'  
  
Cloud: No it's someone else  
  
(Zack and Sephiroth walk in)  
  
Cloud: Guys where were you? I forgot to call you on the roll.  
  
Zack and Sephiroth: We were tipping chocobos.  
  
(Everyone anime falls)  
  
Cloud: Is that all?  
  
Zack: We saw a helicopter crash near the gold saucer.  
  
Shera: Did it have the Shinra logo?  
  
Zack: Didn't look because the look of surprise on the chocobos face was hilarious.  
  
Cloud: Im betting that was the Shinra.  
  
Cid: I have the Highwind right now, lets go!  
  
(They fly to the desert and see a downed helicopter)  
  
Yuffie: Look there they are!  
  
Barret: Yo! Cid take the ship down!  
  
Cid: Alright, going down!  
  
(The Highwind lands)  
  
Cloud: Hey guys you ok?  
  
Elena: No I am not ok. I got SAND in my hair!!!!  
  
Tseng: At least we aren't dead  
  
Reno: (sniffle) my. my. my. my beer bottle fell out the window!!!!!!  
  
Scarlet: Oh boo hooo!  
  
Reno: Beer is like my heart, you take it away I die..  
  
Rufus: Then why aren't you dead?!  
  
Reno: ..... (sniffle)  
  
Tseng: Now you're starting to sound like Rude  
  
Rude: ........  
  
Tseng: Well, I mean act like Rude, caus' Rude don't make sound.  
  
Elena and Scarlet: Lets just get the hell outta' here, I need to SHAMPOO!!!!  
  
Vincent: Dumb Blondes..  
  
Elena and Scarlet: You little $^&$ we're gonna kill you  
  
(Elena and Scarlet scratch the crap out of Vincent)  
  
Vincent: I'm too young.. Lucrecia I'm coming to join you.  
  
Yuffie: Hey Vinnie, Lucriecia ain't dead.  
  
Vincent: How'd would you know!?  
  
Yuffie: We saw her yesterday. DUH!  
  
Vincent: Oh yeah...  
  
Cloud: Anyway, Ok everyone get onboard! By the way where are Palmer and Heideigger?  
  
Rufus: They should be on their way to the party in the Tiny Bronco.  
  
Cloud: O.O  
  
Tseng: We need to tell you what happened, but lets get out of this hellhole first.  
  
(Everyone boards the Highwind)  
  
Cloud: Ok now tell us what happened.  
  
Rufus: Well.....  
  
Ha! I'm so evil the cliff hangers of the apocalypse!!!!! I'll update really soon!!!!! Review! Review! 


	4. The Shinra's Story

Poker Night Chp 4: The Shinra Story  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own FFVII or any of the characters I own the plot Period  
  
Ok here we go!!!!  
  
Rufus: Well..  
  
All: Yes?????  
  
Rufus: Ok I'll tell you.  
  
(Flash Back) All text during this period will have already happened it will all be in the past until the flashback ends K?  
  
Rufus: Ok all of you we're goin' to the party!  
  
All: Wooohoooooo!  
  
Rufus: Ok, The Turks, Hojo and Scarlet are coming with me in the helicopter, and Palmer and Heideigger will take the Tiny Bronco.  
  
All: Right.  
  
Rufus: Lets head out!!!  
  
(POV The Shinra Helicopter)  
  
Rufus: Are we there yet?  
  
(Reno finishes another bottle of beer)  
  
Elena: Damn Reno that's 16 bottles you ok?  
  
Tseng: In Reno's case 16 is considered slightly sober, so he's ok  
  
Reno: Yeah.. nyum. nyum.evil chcocbo..  
  
Hojo: Are you sure he's ok?  
  
Tseng: Not anymore, I've never heard him say evil chocobo.  
  
Scarlet: Are you sure he should be piloting?  
  
Rude: ..........  
  
Scarlet: Great answer (sarcasm)  
  
Tseng: Reno you'd better let me take over.  
  
Reno: NNUYM NUYM NYUM EVIL CHOCOBO!!!!  
  
Elena: HOLY SHIT WE'RE GONNA CRASH!!!!!!  
  
(Helicopter goes out of control)  
  
All: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
  
(Tiny Bronco POV)  
  
Palmer: How much longer?  
  
Heidiegger: We haven't left yet, I'm still getting ready (Tifa gonna b e mine tonight!)  
  
Author: (Loud laughing) Sure Heidiegger, sure (Much more laughter)  
  
Palmer: You ready now?  
  
Heidiegger: Yeah.  
  
(Helicopter POV)  
  
All: AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Tseng: No one panic!!! NO ONE PANIC!!!!!!!  
  
Elena: This is going to mess up my hair.  
  
Reno: Dumb blondes  
  
Elena: You little *^(%  
  
Reno: Oh no.  
  
(Elena attacks Reno)  
  
Reno: Owww  
  
Tseng: We're gonna crash!!!!!  
  
(Reno's Beer bottle goes out the window  
  
Reno: Noooooooo!!!(Attempts to jump out the helicopter)  
  
Tseng: Reno?! (Grabs Reno's Arm) Is it worth your life man?  
  
Reno: YES!!!!!!!!  
  
Tseng: We're doomed!!!!  
  
Hojo: resume screaming everyone....  
  
All: AHHHHHHHH  
  
(Big explosion)  
  
(Zack And Sephiroth POV)  
  
Zack: Hey lets tip that fat chocobo  
  
Sephiroth: Then it won't be able to get up heheheehehe  
  
Zack: Ready?  
  
Sephiroth: Ready.  
  
Zack: Charge!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(They start making barbarian sounds)  
  
Zack: UaghUagh!  
  
Spehiroth: YokauhgnYokauhngn!  
  
Fat Chocobo: (In thoughts: oh shit)  
  
(The chcocobo is tackled to the ground)  
  
Zack: LOL look its legs wiggle!  
  
Sephiroth: Who ever knew tipping chocobos by the gold saucer could be so fun!  
  
Zack: Whoa, Seph?  
  
Sephiroth: Yeah?  
  
Zack: Did you summon meteor?  
  
Sephiroth: Noooooo.  
  
Zack: Then what's that?  
  
(Points to the sky)  
  
Sephiroth: A helicopter.  
  
Zack: Musta been that Ultimecia chick who wanted to conpress time so stupid.  
  
(Ultimecia pops up)  
  
Ultimecia: it wasn't me and NOW you will DIE for your insolence!  
  
Sephiroth: You are a poor excuse for a villain now you die!  
  
(Sephiroth impales her on his Masamune)  
  
Sephiroth: Easy as pie.  
  
Ultimecia: No I can't die.. Ugh..  
  
(Ultimecia dies)  
  
Zack: Ok lets go tip more chocobos.  
  
Sephiroth: Yeah!!!  
  
Fat Chocobo: (*They're just gonna leave me?!)  
  
Zack and Sephiroth: In though (*yeah*)  
  
(Shinra Helicopter POV)  
  
Tseng: Is everyone alive?  
  
All: yeah...  
  
Reno: My beer bottle....  
  
Rufus: Ok everyone just stay clam.  
  
Elena: HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO STAY CALM??!! I'm miles out of reach of shampoo..  
  
(Rude holds out a bottle of Pantene Pro V)  
  
Elena: Thanks Rude  
  
Rude:....  
  
Elena: Hey Scarlet! Got some shampoo!  
  
Scarlet: I'm right here.  
  
Elena: Oh yeah..  
  
Rufus: Ok we need to send out a scouting party  
  
All: Right.  
  
Rufus: Ok Turks and Hojo go scout.  
  
All: yes Sir!  
  
Elena: we've been out here for forty minutes I wanna go back!  
  
Reno: we've only been walking for ten!  
  
Rude: ....?!  
  
(Ground starts to shake)  
  
Hojo: Wha?!!  
  
Reno: What the hell was that?!  
  
Elena: Whatever it is it ain't good  
  
Rude: .....Run..  
  
All: Rude?  
  
Rude: I SAID RUN!!!!!  
  
(A giant claw sticks out of the ground)  
  
Reno: Holy Shit its RUBY!!!!!  
  
(The Claw drags Hojo under)  
  
Hojo: Goodbye cruel world, may you all live in a better tomorrow.  
  
Elena: Hojo!!  
  
Reno: Forget him!  
  
(Reno grabs Elena's hand and starts to run)  
  
Elena: Where's Rude?  
  
Reno; I don't ?! Oh my god!!  
  
Rude: RUN YOU MOTHER-FUCKIN BIATCHES IF YOUR BALLS DEPENDED ON IT WE ALL GONNA DIE RUN BITCH RUN!!!!!!!!  
  
Elena: (Gasp)  
  
Reno: Holy shit.  
  
(They all run till they get to the helicopter)  
  
(The Turks come panting over)  
  
Rufus: What happened? Where's Hojo?  
  
Reno: Well. Uh-  
  
Rude: When we landed the helicopter sent a shockwave awakening Ruby weapon from it's slumber it took Hojo as a meal and burrowed back under the earth.  
  
Rufus and Scarlet: !!!!!!!!!! Oh my god!!!!!!  
  
Rufus: Rude speak again...  
  
Rude:.....-----.....  
  
Reno: I knew it was too good to be true.  
  
(Everyone anime falls)  
  
End of Flashback Long wasn't it?  
  
Rufus: And that's just about the size of it.  
  
All: Whoa.  
  
Tifa: he spoke fluently?  
  
Reno: Yes. Very.  
  
Cloud: Wow.. You guys went through a lot. By the way where's Reeves?  
  
(Reeve crashes through a hole in the ceiling with a parachute)  
  
Reeve: Hey guys I'm back from the Honey Bee Inn!  
  
All: Reeve?!  
  
Reeve: ? WHAT?  
  
( Aeris points at his head, there is a pink bureau)  
  
Reeve: Oh this old thing?! Just a going away present.  
  
All: O.O  
  
Cloud: Well once The Tiny Bronco gets here we'll start the party  
  
All: Woot!  
  
(Tiny Bronco POV)  
  
Palmer: Are we there yet?  
  
Heidiegger: No.  
  
Palmer: We're lost aren't we?  
  
Heidiegger: NO!!!!  
  
Palmer: I told you not to take directions from that cactuar, it was raping a mog for Christ's sake!  
  
Heidigger: Errghhhhh  
  
Long chapter eh? Review! Review! 


	5. Cloud Vs Cid

Poker Night Chp 5  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Squaresoft but I want the Masamune!!!!  
  
Chp5 Cloud Vs.Cid  
  
Ok lets do it.  
  
Cloud: Man where are they?  
  
Rufus: Maybe they got lost.  
  
Tseng: Yes, most likely.  
  
Elena: Poor Hojo...  
  
Sephiroth: Daddy.......  
  
Zack: Hey Seph it's ok you still got chocobos  
  
Sephiroth: Hey you're right, I do have chocobos  
  
Reno: Well that was quick....  
  
Tifa: I wonder where they are????  
  
(Tiny Bronco POV)  
  
Palmer: Hey where are we?  
  
Heideigger: I have no idea, stupid cactuar...  
  
Palmer: Is that the Northern Crater?  
  
Heideigger: Yep, but how in god's name did we get here!!!???  
  
Palmer: One word... Cactuar.  
  
Heideigger: WHY!!!!! NOOOOO I'm gonna be stuck here for the rest of my life!!!!  
  
Palmer: Me Too, because of you...Now you will die!!!!!!  
  
Heideigger: Oh $#!@  
  
(Much cries of pain)  
  
(Party POV)  
  
Cloud: Ok screw them we're startin the poker!  
  
All: Yeah.....  
  
Cloud: OK lemme' go buy the deck.  
  
Cid: You didn't buy the deck yet?  
  
Cloud: Yes, but one of Reds cubs ate it.  
  
Barret: Damn cubs...  
  
Cloud: Ok I'll be back soon, don't do anything stupid ok?  
  
All: Yeah, yeah....  
  
(10 minutes later)  
  
Tifa: When is Cloud getting back?  
  
Vincent: Maybe he got held up by some hoe.  
  
Aeris: Cloud would never do that would he?  
  
Tifa: No he loves me.  
  
Aeris: Nuh uh  
  
Tifa: Uh huh  
  
(20 mintues later)  
  
Aeris: Nuh uh  
  
Tifa: Uh huh  
  
Cid: SHUT THE #^%$@^$@ UP ALREADY  
  
Tifa: ..................................  
  
Aeris: ......................nuh uh........  
  
Cid: That's it! I'VE HAD IT!!!  
  
(Attempts to attack Aeris)  
  
Aeris: AHHHH SAVE ME!!!!!  
  
Tifa: Hehehehehehehehe  
  
Reeve: Don't do it Cid! Someone hold him!  
  
(They stop Cid wrestling him to the ground)  
  
Cid: Ok I'm good just got carried away...  
  
Cloud: Well I'm back!  
  
Aeris: Thank god...  
  
Tifa: Hi Cloud, what took ya'?  
  
Cloud: Well I got stopped by some crazy hoe, but Teef you know I love you.  
  
Tifa: Yes I know.  
  
(They start smooching)  
  
Yuffie: Can you guys get a room? Ewwwwwww  
  
Aeris: Waaaaaaaaaaaaa  
  
Cloud: What's her problem?  
  
Sephiroth: Wait Aeris!!!! Cloud you idiot look what you did!!  
  
(Sephiroth slaps Cloud)  
  
Cloud: What the?!  
  
Tseng: Ok screw that we're playin poker!  
  
All: YEAH!!!  
  
Vincent: I wanna get one this hand.  
  
Cid: Me too  
  
Barret: I'll play  
  
Cloud: I am too...  
  
Barret: Ok I'll deal!  
  
(Barret deals out the cards)  
  
Barret: Ok lets see what ya' got  
  
Cid: Hit me.  
  
Vincent: Hey can you guys wait I gotta go to the bathroom..  
  
Cloud: Ok.  
  
Barret: Hit me...  
  
(Vincent leaves)  
  
Cloud: Well lets just wait.  
  
(Elevator music starts to play)  
  
Yuffie: Where is that music coming from?  
  
(Vincent comes back)  
  
Vincent: Man that bathroom is weird, starts to play elevator music once you sit down, it must be for concentration you when you're....  
  
Zack: Ok we get it man.... Christ!  
  
Vincent: And Barret, Marlene was just vomiting in the toilet, I think she got into the bruskies.  
  
Barret: Where were they?  
  
Vincent: In the hall...  
  
Barret: You little %%&$ Don't worry Marlene daddy's coming!  
  
Cloud: Well I guess he's out.  
  
Cid: Ok I got two pair.  
  
Vincent: Two Queens.  
  
Cloud: ROYAL FLUSH BOO YOW!!!!!  
  
Tifa: Yay go Cloud!!!  
  
(20 minutes pass)  
  
Cid: That's is it I know you're cheating!!  
  
Cloud: No I'm not!  
  
Cid: Then how else do you beat us EVERY time?!  
  
Cloud: Uh luck?!  
  
Cid: That's it your goin' down your ass is mine!  
  
Cloud: Ok bring it!  
  
Cloud: You pissed me off some much... SHWING (limit break noise)  
  
Cloud: Cross Slash!!!!  
  
(Cloud executes several slashes)  
  
Cid: Ha ya' missed  
  
Cloud: Oh yeah?  
  
(Half of Cid's cigarette falls to the ground)  
  
Cid: My cigarette you little &%& I'm gonna kill you! SHWING!  
  
Cid: HIGHWIND!!  
  
Cloud: Oh shit..  
  
(Several missles fly through the air resulting in death to Cloud)  
  
Tifa: Cloud noooo.....  
  
(A Phoenix revives Cloud)  
  
Cloud: Final Attack Phoenix, never leave home without it!!! Hehehehehe SHWING!!  
  
Cloud: OMNISLASH!!!!  
  
Cid: AHHHHHH!!!!!!  
  
Cid: Transform!!  
  
(Tifa's boobs grow as big as a small cottage)  
  
Aeris: No! Now Tifa has bigger boobs than me waaaaa!!!  
  
Vincent: She always had bigger boobs than you...  
  
Aeris: You little %&$# blood sucking vampire!!!  
  
Vincent: Oh no...  
  
Zack: Hey Seph put that sword away.... SEPH! Don't do it!! Vincent watch out!!!  
  
Vincent: Oh crap I' gonna die!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!!  
  
Tifa: Wow these boobs are big...  
  
Cid: Well they're gonna protect me!  
  
(Cloud executes a brilliant combo of sword technique)  
  
Cloud: Ha-ah?  
  
Cid: Ha Tifa's boobs didn't even get a blemish HAHAHAH  
  
Cloud: Damn...  
  
Tifa: Cid you touched my boobs, I've been violated!!!  
  
(Tifa bounces over to Cid and flattens him, yes you heard me right she bounced)  
  
Cid: uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhggghhhhhhh......  
  
Cloud: Thanks Tif  
  
(they start smooching again)  
  
Vincent: Please god no! get that thing away from me!!!!!!  
  
Aeris: Vinny you'll look good in a dress  
  
Sephiroth: Yes you will, hold still will you!?  
  
Vincent: Noooooooo!!!!  
  
(The screams die down)  
  
Rufus: Now it's time for the Shinra to play  
  
The Shinra: YEAH!!!!!!  
  
(Tiny Bronco POV)  
  
Palmer: Where are we?  
  
Whew long eh? My fingers hurt review review! 


	6. Shinra Play Time!

Disclaimer I do NOT own FFVII or any characters associated with Squaresoft Poker Night Chp 6 Shinra Play Time!  
  
Wow I've gotten this far whew here we go  
  
Rufus: Ok all you saps get the hell outta our seats!  
  
Cloud: Fine...  
  
Rufus: And I get the chair with the comfy cushions!  
  
Reno: Damn  
  
Elena: Reno have you gotten over your stupid beer bottle yet?  
  
Reno: Stupid!? Aghhhhh (Attacks Elena)  
  
Elena: Aieeeeeee!!!!!!  
  
Rude: ......  
  
Scarlet: Ok shut up! What rules are we playin?  
  
Rufus: Hmmmm(thinks for a moment) Ah Ha Strip Poker!  
  
Reno: You just had to do strip poker when Tifa left GOD ^&$@%!!!  
  
Tseng: Yes I agree.  
  
Reeve: Me too..  
  
Cait Sith: And I!  
  
Elena: Of course you all do you're guys!!!  
  
Reno: hehehehehe she has a point there  
  
Rude: (*Elena wouldn't look all that bad*)  
  
Elena: (*I wonder what goes on in Rude's head*)  
  
Reno: (*Me too*)  
  
Rufus: There are simple rules win a hand ,strip one garment k?  
  
All: yeah whatever.  
  
(In thought speak Reno talks to Rude)  
  
Reno: You rigged the deck correct?  
  
Rude: Yes.  
  
Reno: All will go according to plan, if Elena wins all the hands...she'll..ahh..  
  
Rude: Yes, Reno I know, I can fill in the dots myself.  
  
Reno: Ok Rude today's our lucky day!!!  
  
Rude: Yes now lets get back to the game.  
  
Reno: Yeah, Breaking Connection Now  
  
(Crackle crackle wishh whooocrrrrrkkkk)  
  
Elena: You guys ok, you zoned out for a bit?  
  
Reno: Yeah we're fine  
  
(Rude starts grinning evily)  
  
Elena to Scarlet: I could have swore Rude was smiling.  
  
Scarlet: We'd better watch em' then..  
  
Elena: Yeah  
  
Rufus: Ok I'll deal.  
  
(deals out cards)  
  
All: I'll stay  
  
Reno: I fell out.  
  
Rude:.....  
  
Scarlet: Im out  
  
Rufus: Me too  
  
Elena: Four aces...Why me????!!!!  
  
Reno: Ok strip please..  
  
Elena: Oh great..  
  
(Elena begins to take off her left shoe)  
  
Elena: Ok done.  
  
Rufus: Next hand  
  
(deals out cards)  
  
Elena: Hit me.  
  
Elena: (gasp) two queens!  
  
Reno: Bust.  
  
Rude:..  
  
Scarlet: Ditto  
  
Rufus: Me too.  
  
(10 minutes later)  
  
(in thought speak)  
  
Reno: There was a flaw in our system which would explain why I had to take off my goggles and you your tie..  
  
Rude: Rufus is dealing, and he is now in his skivvies and Elena has lost 12 times and has only removed her accessories.  
  
Reno: That is it I'm dealing so Elena will be forced to strip out the good stuff  
  
Rude: Reno you're a genius  
  
Reno: Thanks man, your not too bad of a partner either, now that we've figured out this thought speak thing you never have to talk again.  
  
Reeve: Come in Honey Bee Inn... I repeat come in Honey Bee Inn..  
  
Reno: Who the hell?! IS that you Reeve?  
  
Reeve: I heard stripping so I assume this is a Honey Bee Inn channel.  
  
Rude: We will tell you our diabolical plan.  
  
Reno: But first..?!  
  
Tseng: How could you guys leave me out on this?  
  
Reno: How you tap into this?  
  
Tseng: I have no idea  
  
Reno: Anyway this our plan... (5 minutes pass)....And that's what we're gonna do.  
  
Tseng: Ingenius.  
  
Reno: I know.  
  
Rude: Ok Operation Make Elena Strip Down Till' We Wet Our Pants is now in action ready men?  
  
All: Yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Reno: Connection Terminated...krrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr crackle crackle...  
  
Elena: You guys ok?!  
  
Reno: Oh yeah we're fine..  
  
Tseng: never been better...  
  
Elena: Ok?!  
  
(10 minutes later)  
  
(Thought speak)  
  
Reno: This is failing miseralby  
  
Rude: Yes we are all in our skivvies and Elena has more clothes than us..  
  
Tseng: Christ.....  
  
Reeve: Hey lets loose purposely  
  
Tseng: Hey that's a good idea  
  
Reno: Ok that's the plan now...  
  
Reno: Ending transmission krrrrrrrrr crackle crackle krrrrrrrhhhh  
  
(20 minutes later)  
  
Reno: Ok now we are all naked what the hell is going on?!  
  
Rude:..........  
  
Tseng: Ok if Elena wins this hand .....well....uh..  
  
Elena: I know...  
  
Rufus: Ok what did you get?!  
  
Elena: Why did it have to come to this?! I got a...a...a.... ROYAL FLUSH!!! NOOO!!!!  
  
Reno: YESSS!!!!  
  
Rude: ................!!!!!!!!!  
  
Tseng: Thank you Giant summon materia in the sky!! Thank You!!!  
  
Reeve: WOOHOO!!!!  
  
Elena: The moment of truth...(begins to unclip her breau and starts slipping down her thong)  
  
The guys: ughhhhhhh(jaw drop)  
  
(all of the guys faint)  
  
Elena: Guess I don't hav to strip anymore  
  
Aeris: Hey Cloud why aren't you out like the rest of them?  
  
Cloud: I've seen better.....  
  
Aeris: Ohhhh  
  
Cloud: Ok everyone now its time to have some fun!!!!!  
  
(everyone who fainted wakes up)  
  
All: Yeahhhh!!!  
  
(A hobo-looking person crashes through the wall)  
  
Hojo: Hojo is BACCKKKKK!!!  
  
All: HI HOJO!!!  
  
Next chapter all hell WILL break loose next chapter Legend Of the Drunken Bastards! 


	7. Lengend of The Drunken Bastards

Disclaimer: I do not own any of Squaresoft's characters or games Blah Blah Blah And I do not own Legend of the Drunken Bastards thats from Kung Fu Chaos Or The Old School excpt  
  
Poker Night Chp 7 Legend Of The Drunken Bastards  
  
Hojo: So How has it been since I was gone?  
  
Cloud: Same old same old.  
  
Hojo: Then why is the Shinra naked?  
  
Rufus: We were playing strip poker.  
  
Reno: And let's just say it got a little crazy...  
  
Hojo: And it's about to get even more crazy  
  
Cloud: Why?  
  
Hojo: I brought some SAINT ANKY'S BEER!!!  
  
Reno: How much?  
  
Hojo: 100 KEGS!!!!  
  
Reno: YES! I LOVE SAINT ANKY'S!!!!!  
  
All: SWEET!!!  
  
Hojo: Let's party till' the sun goes down and comes back up!!!!  
  
All: YEAH!!!!  
  
Reno: Hey, pass out the beer GODDAMNIT!!  
  
Hojo: Ok, hold yer damned horses!  
  
(Hojo passes out the beer 5 kegs per person)  
  
Yuffie: I've never drank before.  
  
Tifa: Me too.  
  
Reno: Well it's illegal at your age but screw that!  
  
All: YEAH!  
  
Tseng: Ok Reno you've finished 2 kegs already  
  
Reno: Oh but I have plenty I can steal someones!  
  
Tseng: No one's even started drinking yet!  
  
Reno: oooh my stomach hurts  
  
(eveyone starts to drink)  
  
Tifa: ugh.....  
  
Yuffie: Ewwww this stuff is bad!  
  
Vincent: best alchohol I ever had...  
  
Cid: You've drank before?  
  
Vincent: I was once in the Turks of course I drink..  
  
Elena: I don't want any it's icky!  
  
Rude: I don't care what you want! Drink the goddamn beer!!  
  
Elena: NO!  
  
Rude: That's it bitch!  
  
Elena: Ahhhhhh!!  
  
(Reno holds Elena's mouth open while Rude pours a keg down her throat)  
  
Elena: ooooooooohhhhh.....ughh......  
  
Reno: Yes, the alchohol is taking effect...  
  
Rude: Indeed..  
  
Elena: You dirty bastards! I'm Drunk NOW!!!  
  
Reno: Soooo?  
  
Elena: I'm Gonna kick your ass!!!  
  
Reno: Uh oh  
  
Rude: Oh shit....  
  
(Elena kicks them both in the balls)  
  
Cid: Oh my god!  
  
Vincent: She didn't...  
  
(Reno and Rude faint)  
  
Elena: Oh yes I did!  
  
Cloud: Never violate a man like that!  
  
Red XIII: yeah let's kick her----  
  
Barret: What the hell?!  
  
Red XIII: I have kids I can't cuss  
  
Barret: Damn wuss, I cuss all the time in front of Marlene, and look how she turned out.  
  
Marlene: Daddy what does bitch mean?  
  
Barret: A female dog, or a sleezy hoe.  
  
Red XIII: See what I'm sayin'  
  
Barret: No...  
  
(everyone anme falls)  
  
Red XIII: Giant Summon materia in the sky! Help this poor man!  
  
Barret: Whatever....  
  
(Squalls pops out of nowhere)  
  
Squall: Hey that's my copyright (holds up a document)  
  
Barret: Oh sorry man, here's the fine of 5$  
  
Squall: Thank you!  
  
Barret: I'll never do that ever again.  
  
Squall: Good to hear, and you Skaterr Gnome are an ingenius writer!  
  
Skaterr Gnome: Thank you, well Squall good day!  
  
Squall:You too, and by the way any chance of you writing a fic about me?  
  
Skaterr Gnome: We'll see, we'll see...  
  
Squall: Ok seeya  
  
Skaterr Gnome: L8ters  
  
(Squall poofs)  
  
Cloud: Who the hell was that?  
  
Skaterr Gnome: .........................  
  
Rude: Hey that's my trademark!  
  
Skaterr Gnome: Shut Up, this is MY fic, and I can do what I want in MY FIC! K?  
  
Rude: K  
  
(Skaterr Gnome Poofs)  
  
Rude: I hate him....  
  
Cloud: Anyway....Elena you kicked two men in the balls now you shall pay!!!  
  
Vincent: ATTACK!!!!  
  
(Elena is beat down)  
  
Zack: Hey Seph let's go tip some chocobos  
  
Sephiroth: Sure, hey Aeris wanna come?  
  
Aeris: Sure!  
  
(Rufus come out of nowhere still naked)  
  
Rufus: WE'RE GOING STREAKING!!!!  
  
All: ?!  
  
Rufus: We're going to the quad, through the gymnasium!  
  
All: ?!  
  
Rufus: Woohoo!!!!  
  
Hojo: Should have never given him a drop...  
  
Tifa: Hey guys is it just me or is it a little cold in here?  
  
(Rufus looks down)  
  
Rufus: WAAAAA!!!!!!!  
  
Tifa: (snicker,snicker)  
  
All: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!  
  
(Rufus comes back in clothing)  
  
Rufus: OK WE'RE GOING CHOCOBO TIPPING!!!  
  
All: HELL YES!!!!  
  
(Somewhere in a chocobo field somewhere on the planet)  
  
Zack: Tipping chocobo's while your drunk is cool...  
  
Sephiroth: Dude, you said it....... hey Aeris you ok?!  
  
(Aeris is flashing off the chocobos)  
  
Aeris: hell ya im fine!  
  
Cloud:then why did you just cuss?!  
  
Aeris: its a free country spikey ass!!  
  
Cloud: Barret see what you did?!  
  
Barret: Im so proud....  
  
Reno: So where's all the chocobos?  
  
Tseng: Probably sleeping...  
  
Rude: Whoa there goes herd over there....  
  
Zack: C'mon then lets give em hell!!  
  
Sephiroth: yeah!  
  
(Zack and Sephiroth run foward)  
  
Rufus: Your gonna cause a stampede!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Tseng: We'd better run.  
  
Reno:Yuffie passed out though..  
  
Tseng: You better carry her!!  
  
WARK!!!!!!!  
  
Zack: Holy $#!@ run for your lives!!!!!!!  
  
Sephiroth: OH MY GOD!!!!!!  
  
Chocobo Stampede: WARK!!! WARK!!! WAARRRKKK!!!!!!!  
  
Cloud: Dude what the hell! I dont wanna die!!!! Everyone run!!!  
  
Reno: Wow Yuffie's light!!!  
  
Tseng: Just run!!!  
  
(Zack And Sephiroth are running like there pants are on fire)  
  
Zack: Sephiroth, since we're about to get trampled to death you have anything you want to say to me?  
  
Sephiroth: Do you expect a yaoi confession?  
  
Zack: Well no, but uhhh...  
  
Sephiroth: I aint gay despite what people think! Im just Vain!! So What!? And it was fun while it lasted so lets die happy!  
  
Palmer: not if we can help it!!!  
  
Zack: What the hell?!  
  
(Heideigger is piloting the highwind and Palmer is on deck)  
  
Palmer: grab onto the ladder!!!  
  
Zack: hey we're gonna live to tip another chocobo!!!!!  
  
Sephiroth: Hey Zack grab onto the ladder first!  
  
Zack: Oh yeah..  
  
(They climb onto the Highwind)  
  
Zack: What great timing guys.  
  
Palmer: We were wondering we you were. We found some vomit and lots of beer on the floor and that could mean only one thing...  
  
Sephiroth: We have to save the others!  
  
Palmer: Ok!  
  
Zack: They got a head start.  
  
Palmer: I see em' lowering the ladder!  
  
Zack: hey guys!!  
  
(Meanwhile on the ground)  
  
Cloud: What the?!  
  
Cid: Hey thats my ship you $)%@)@!  
  
Palmer: Hey?! Do you wanna die!  
  
Cid: .....  
  
Palmer: Thought so... now get on!!!  
  
Cloud: Alright guys! Tifa first!!!  
  
Elena: Hey I wana live!!!  
  
Cloud: Well Tifa must live!  
  
Tifa: Thank you Cloud!  
  
Cloud: Grab on!  
  
Tifa: Ok!  
  
Cloud: Ok Tifa's on everyone else get on!  
  
(Yuffie regains conciousness and vomits on Reno)  
  
Reno: Oh man, forgot she had motion sickness!!  
  
Rude: Thats disgusting man!  
  
Yuffie:ughhhhhhhh  
  
Cloud: Ok lets head back!!!  
  
Palmer: ok heading to the party!!!  
  
(lots of partying and stuff goes on in the night)  
  
next Chapter Hangovers and Goodbyes  
  
Sorry took me so long to update its been summer so I've been playing games got banned from games and TV so ill have plenty of time to write!!! And Im puttinh Midsummer on hold lost my script... 


	8. Hangovers and Goodbyes

I aint gonna bother with a disclaimer  
  
Poker Night Chapter 8 Hangovers and Goodbyes  
  
(Cloud wakes up in his bed with an arm draped over his side)  
  
Cloud: What the hell happened last night?  
  
Cloud: Its all so fuzzy.....  
  
Flashback....  
  
Rufus: Ok now we're really going streaking!!!!!  
  
All: WOOO!!!!  
  
Reno: Dont forget the beer!!  
  
Later......  
  
Reno: We're gonna party like Meteor's crashing down!!!!  
  
All: Wooooooo!!!  
  
Rufus: STREAKING!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Cloud: Dude, I SeE PrEtTy CoLoRs........ weeeeee....  
  
(Rufus is running round streakin)  
  
Vincent: Cover that up!!  
  
(Vincent fire a tranquilizer at Rufus)  
  
Rufus: Whoa..  
  
Vincent: Dude, You just took a ****ing dart in your neck!  
  
Rufus: (In slowmo) Your crazy man, your crazy!  
  
(Rufus Stumbles a little and falls into Lifestream)  
  
Rufus: Am I in Heaven?! Tifa!...........  
  
(Rufus kisses Tifa)  
  
In reality...  
  
Vincent: Dude, he ****ing kissed me!!  
  
(he shoots Rufus again)  
  
Rufus: oooooooooohh......  
  
Hojo: hey you don't look so good...  
  
Vincent: Serves him ****ing right!  
  
Cid: So what now?!  
  
Reno: There's a rave going on in Junon.  
  
Elena: lets go!!  
  
(In Junon)  
  
Crazy Person: Dude have a drink!!  
  
Cloud: I promised my girlfriend I wouldn't drink tonight.  
  
Crazy Man: And?  
  
Crazy Man: Oh nevermind Rufus ain't got anything to do maybe he'll want one!  
  
Yuffie: Cid your riding the white pony!  
  
Cid: It isnt illegal  
  
Rufus: WE"RE GOING STREAKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
All: YEAH!!  
  
Whooosh............  
  
Back to reality..  
  
Cloud: I wonder who's arm this is?  
  
(Someone starting talking in their sleep)  
  
Tifa: Come on Cloud! One more shot won't hurt...... num num...  
  
Cloud: Oh man!  
  
(Cloud gets dressed and wakes everyone up)  
  
Cloud: Good morning!  
  
Reno: Dude my head hurts....  
  
Rufus: my neck is frickin' swollen man.  
  
Yuffie: my esophaugas is burning!!!  
  
Aeris: Im not a virgin anymore!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
All: What the?!  
  
Zack: I wonder who is responsible.....  
  
(Zack elbows Sephiroth)  
  
Sephiroth: I didn't mean to!!!  
  
Cloud: I have a confession too.....  
  
Cid: We already know you banged Tifa! We knew it would happen for a while but you were such a dumbass...  
  
Barret: All it took was a whole lot of beer and a nice bed!  
  
Cloud: ok everyone go home!  
  
Vincent: that was a cool party we need to do it again real soon...  
  
Zack: yeah man that was cool!  
  
Rude: I'm never talking again....  
  
Reno: Aww come on Rude..  
  
Rude: ....................  
  
Reno: it was worth a try  
  
Cloud: ok seeya guys again real soon!  
  
Somewhere in the United States...  
  
Skaterr Gnome: Poor unknowing fools! they don't know how soon!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAhAhAHAHAH  
  
Skaterr: Why are you still here roll credits! *******************************  
  
Sorry but there is no sequel but i am starting a new story with my three loves! Anime! Video Games! And DONUTS!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Hope you all enjoyed this story blah blah blah!!!! 


End file.
